Obituary for Hayley Bernadette Schmidtke

Hayley Bernadette Schmidtke (Gorman), 42, passed away on Monday, December 26, 2022. Her visitation will be held on Wednesday, January 4, from 1:00-2:15 p.m. at Unity Center of Cedar Rapids, followed by her memorial service at 2:30 p.m.  A celebration of life will also take place in Southern Oregon in early 2023.  

Hayley lived wholly undefined by her accomplishments, though certainly what she achieved and the roles she fulfilled in her life were varied and impressive, deserving of a memoir all their own. If one were to ask who Hayley was, however, the timeline of her milestones and boxes checked simply would not suffice. 

Anyone who knew Hayley has a story of how quickly she could make a connection, how she skipped any semblance of small talk and got straight to drawing out someone’s deepest held joys, opinions, fears, traumas, and dreams with one incisive question; she loved a story in any form and shared her own with the world with searing honesty.  

The purest example of the strength that is softness, openness to experience, and surrender to the unknown, Hayley balanced the precarious state that is wanting so much to live, all the while contending with the closeness of death. She did so with unbelievable grace and humor, acknowledging the truth of pain but with the conviction that suffering was an option, one she never seemed to choose. 

Though cancer amplified her quest for joy, she didn’t need a life-altering diagnosis to give herself permission to treat herself to pistachio ice cream or sandwiches, to enjoy the pleasure of a perfectly ripe peach or tomato, to luxuriate in the quiet morning stillness with a cat in her lap and book in her hands; in essence, to put herself “in the way of beauty,” to borrow a line from Cheryl Strayed. She lived fully and intentionally; her breathy chuckle of a laugh never diminished. 

Hayley is survived by her partner Evan, her mother Denise Houlahan, and her niece Kaelyn Hoambrecker.

At Hayley’s request, in lieu of flowers, a memorial fund has been established at http://everloved.com/life-of/hayley-schmidtke-gorman benefiting The Southern Oregon Humane Society and Waypoint Services of Cedar Rapids.